Ooh-yor-fightor, writes Gemma Collins, we've only gone and got Johnny Vegas on the phone. It's been a ridiculously long 18 years since we last spoke to the potty-mouthed, outrageous and aggressive comic. (Not for the want of trying, we hasten to add).
That's almost two whole decades since he won the Leicester Mercury Comedian of the Year competition and uttered a few choice words down the phone, before hanging up, never to talk to us again.
Until now. Johnny, remember us?
The thing is, he does. And another thing; he's not quite the man we remember.
Meet the thoroughly refined, really rather polite Michael Pennington.
"I did a very hung-over interview back then with someone from your paper and I must apologise," he says. "They wanted me to get excited and I just said, 'the Leicester Mercury Comedian of the Year is really good – and now I've got to go'..."
Mr Vegas hadn't performed a lot of comedy outside of Manchester when he rocked up in Leicester, all guns blazing.
"I remember it pretty clearly," he says. "It was a strict competition of 10-minute slots and there was this Liverpudlian impressionist on before me who totally ran over. That was my way in – to annihilate him.
"I've still got the pictures. It was the only time in my life I'd received a giant cheque."
Funnily enough, he was competing against Darrell Martin – the founder and promoter of Just The Tonic, bringing Johnny to Dave's Leicester Comedy Festival, next week.
"I think he'd seen us perform before, because he said he knew I was going to win."
Johnny was just starting out then. The year before, in 1996, he was Best Breakthrough Act runner-up at the North West Comedy Awards.
"It's a double-edged sword with competitions," he says. "I kind of struggle with comics being pitted against one another, but when you're up-and-coming, you need something to get your foot in the door and the Leicester title – that was great."
So, it was something you mentioned, then?
"Well, I wouldn't open a gig with it," he says, "but yeah, I did put it on my CV and tell promoters – especially in London. I really struggled to get gigs in the beginning.
"I wasn't very good," he says.
"It's kind of a vicious cycle. They won't book you unless they've seen you, and they don't see you unless they've booked you.
"It was a gamble. They were used to a certain kind of stand-up in London and Johnny didn't play by those rules. He was a hard one to push, someone so angry who does a bit of pottery on the side."
By his own admission, Johnny – or should we say, Michael – is trying to move away from that persona. "It was a big thing, writing my book and exploring the origins of Johnny Vegas – a genuine alter ego – as opposed to putting on gear and being a comic actor. Johnny had gone as far as he could.
"It's kind of how I feel now, now I'm more settled with family life.
"Why put yourself back into that arena?
"I'll be honest – and this is the only time I've ever been able to say this – I'm doing stand-up now because I'm enjoying it. It didn't haunt my every working moment that I wasn't live on stage.
"I'm just loving taking those baby steps as Michael.
"It's not been the same tortured process it was in the past. I've been able to eat before gigs, for a start," he says.
"It's trying to go out and do what I do as Michael. Sure, Johnny is always lurking, desperate to get on stage. It's just, I've got back to writing and constructing, rather than jazzing it, like he did."
As we talk, Johnny's currently writing his sold-out one-man show for Leicester.
"I've started it," he says, unconvincingly. "I have.
"It was Darrell who coerced me into the booking.
"I've just been doing the odd 10-minute spot, so something bigger, well – it's advertised as a work in progress. I'm not bringing a show hot from the Edinburgh festival, but I don't want to be lazy and use that as a disclaimer."
It's strange to hear such a seasoned comedian talk this way and yet, he's happy to admit this feels like a new experience for him.
"I have to say, I came to Leicester last year with some of the Ideal show cast and it was refreshing. It felt like a comedy crowd – and I'm not just saying that.
"A lot of people have come through Leicester's festival and it's always nice to go back to places that have been there for you."
Johnny is the first to point out, the comedy he's doing on television now is far removed from the things he did early on in his career.
Take Benidorm, for instance, and his much- welcomed return as Geoff Maltby, aka The Oracle. Not to mention, Still Open All Hours.
"That couldn't be more rooted in classic, family entertainment. I grew up watching Open All Hours with my family," he says.
"That's as mainstream as it gets for me and I've always veered away from that.
"It was probably my art school background and a need to push and explore creative avenues. But I don't mind now.
"It's nice to do stuff my family can watch. My mum doesn't have to go into hiding afterwards," he says.
"I'm sure there are up-and-coming comics who would baulk at the notion of doing these programmes. I was that comedian, once. I've grown up a bit. I direct and write now, too.
"I'm very lucky I've been able to try all these things.
"It really feels like life's coming together."
Johnny married Irish broadcaster Maia Dunphy in 2011, and announced only last week on Twitter they're expecting their first child.
"We haven't done any press about the baby and we're not going to," he says.
"Of course, we're thrilled to bits, but I'm not one who tries to promote themselves with what's going on in their personal life."
He'd rather promote his comedy – and that extra show Darrell's persuaded him to compere on Valentine's night.
"I've stopped picking up the phone to him. You don't know what he's going to ask next," he chuckles.
"But seriously; I'm looking forward to Leicester. I'm also looking at a blank screen – so I better get writing!"
Johnny Vegas plays Just The Tonic @ Hansom Hall on February 14, at 6.30pm. The gig is sold out, unsurprisingly.
You can still catch him compering the Valentine Special, with a line-up including Sofie Hagen, David Trent and Keith Carter at 9pm.