Our story began in a seaside town called Braunstone. You may be thinking, Braunstone isn't a seaside town; it's in the East Midlands, and you would be correct, yet in our story, somebody left the tap on, so the South of England, from Leicester downwards, got flooded, leaving Braunstone by the sea.
Our story features a geek or two who do all their homework before it's even due.
"Plenty of seagulls squawk! squawk! squawk!''
"And the dreaded suckers.''
They are the local bullies, named so because they suck the joy out of everything.
"We're mean and we're never keen about anything, we bully all the geeks and take the smile off their faces. Resistance is futile.''
Our story also features our main man, Puff Pastry Daddy, he's the dude, his pies are pukka. He bakes the best pastries and pies that will appetise and surprise all the pie-eating guys in Leicester.
The Puff Pastry
Daddy Wrap... rap
He's Puff Pastry Daddy and he's here to say: "Custard tarts are on sale today!''
His sausage rolls are out of control
His steak pie will bring a tear to your eye
Chicken or steak whatever your taste
Just thank Puff Pastry Daddy for the pies he bakes.
It was a seemingly ordinary Thursday at Braunstone on Sea. The sun was shining brightly in the clear blue sky. The birds were tweeting. Squawk! Squawk! Squawk!
...TWEETING! Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, and everything was calm, until... the school bell rang and out spilled a thousand teenagers looking for adventure. "Let's go and find some kids who are playing and having the time of their lives, then suck the fun out of everyone.''
The Suckers were living up to their reputation and in search of some fun to thoroughly spoil. They sucked so much fun out of the day that the sun went away, behind some grey clouds.
Meanwhile, Puff Pastry Daddy was busy baking his pastries and pies when his attention was drawn to some kids cowering in the corner.
"What's wrong with you lot,'' he said.
"We're scared of the bullies,'' the geeks told him. "They scare us and suck out the fun from everyone.''
"Don't let them win,'' said Puff Pastry Daddy. "Life is for living and you gotta have fun.
"Come and bake some tasty treats with me, then you'll see how pukka pies can be.''
So they baked lots of cakes and ate and ate until they couldn't eat any more.
"Take the rest home,'' said Puff Pastry Daddy.
"We had so much fun, thank you.''
The geeks began to walk home but along the way they were made prey by the gruesome gang of Suckers.
They stole their cakes and gobbled the lot and the geeks ran off as quick as a shot.
Now here's where our plot becomes a bit bizarre. You see, Puff Pastry Daddy had watched this occurrence and made a plan to scam those bullies and stop them pestering the whole town. He baked a pie, the biggest of them all.
"I just know those Suckers are gonna fall for my trick.''
He picked up a seagull off Braunstone Lane East; it had been sadly hit by a beast of a truck – an Eddie Stobbart lorry, in fact. "Road kill,'' he said. "I'll show those rotten bullies.''
And he added the dead seagull as the main ingredient to his enormous pie and gave it to the geeks to take home and try, knowing the bullies would be waiting to pounce.
He watched as the pie was leaving his house. It only made it half-way down the sea front before the Suckers took it from the geeks and the little runts devoured the whole pie, without taking a breath... just making a few grunts.
The geeks were scared, but Puff Pastry Daddy shared his secret plan and they laughed and waited for the seagull to land inside the bullies' tummies.
Once the Suckers had digested the stolen pie they felt a bit strange, one even began to cry.
"Why can I not speak,'' they all thought and, as they opened their mouths, they began to squawk.
Squawk! Squawk! Squawk!
The seagull pie had made their speech sound like seagulls squawking on a beach.
The spell lasted a week, so the geeks got some peace. The big bullies – the Suckers – had finally learnt their lesson.
And the whole seaside town turned its frown upside down and continued to have tonnes of fun in the sun.